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Enlightenment |
For the children of Sudan
Evan
July 11, 2004 - 2:10 AM
EDT
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I am listening to Death in Vegas and trying to center myself. I am looking for solace. I need an inn at my journey�s end. I just realized that I am weary of this sorry existence that has become my life. My journey, although I thought it was near completion, has begun a new. Which makes it all the more bitter. Mostly, I am not prepared. It happened so suddenly. Life seems fine one day, or as fine as �fine� usually is. And then something wicked, more so because it went unnoticed, turns your day-to-day routine into a nightmare of could have beens.
�Aisha I�m Confused!� Death In Vegas yells into my ears. Aisha I am not confused, I understand that to live is to suffer. To appreciate the oasis of life one must journey through this ever-present Death Valley. And death it is. This feeling that is creeping over my body. It is slowly making its presence known, destruction it�s mark. Only it is much more then just a feeling, for this is real, a physical presence. It seems to move at night mostly, when I can no longer battle it. Not that I am all that effective in the light of day. But at night, even my ability to direct its course seem to leave me. I am left at hell�s mercy.
What is worse is that I know how this evil showed up at my door. It was brought into my house on the wings of an angel, an angel of white, a demon, a wraith, a spirit. When my wife came home, she had no idea the evil rider she bore. But come it came. I bore her no ill will, but in my despair it is hard not to want to be mad at her. I want this pain to have some righteous justification. Isn�t that so like us humans? We want every great event to have a great cause. But the simple answer is that evil is evil and there is no need to explain it. There is no explaining it. It simply is. Evil is my fight, want it or not.
In the end, it is the mundane world that destroys us one day at a time. It is the routine that wears out our limbs and backs. For it is in doing what we do that we expose ourselves to the greatest harm. Harm comes in many forms, and this one has certainly affected my head as much as anywhere else. I scratch, but the gray matter will not relent. I am left with nothing for my effort, for this cannot be solved by my wit. I am at its mercy, heart and soul, as it creeps ever more. Debate it I cannot. Yelling seems to have no affect. I am left only to fight. But I cannot use weapons, for it is too small to detect. I must invent some new form of warfare to combat this evil. As it creeps ever near.
It started on my thigh and I thought nothing of it. Then it became irritated and inflamed, and I took notice. But I was too late. For notice is not enough. Even though I did no harm to this thing, this thing would have me believe I killed its young. For its vengeance is beyond repent. It moved from my thigh to my leg. I went to the doctor and pleaded for relief. He shook his head and muttered and did nothing. He would have me believe that I have simply over reacted. This pain will surely go away. Evil it is not, just the out growth of living he says.
So I took the good doctors advice and I went home and did nothing. And it spread to my hands and to the small of my back. And I went back to the doctor and he gave me some poison. This poison was meant to dry out the evil. So I took this poison, but all it did was make me sick. I kept taking it, but the evil kept spreading. There is no cure, no magic bullet for this evil. It cannot be beaten with normal means. So slowly it crept. It moved to my other leg, to my shoulders, my chest, my arms. It is marching this moment over the rest of my body, and I am unable to do anything. The doctor, he is concerned, but claims there is nothing he can do. I am on my own.
This is a battle only my own body can win. For those who could help me claim ignorance. Well I am not ignorant any longer. So you have a choice dear reader. You can either languish like I do, with your out come unclear, or you can strike first. Do what I should have done, attack the root. Go to the source and take out the evil in your own yards before you are eaten alive.
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The evil in me
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Comments
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Stephen
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July 13, 2004 - 11:23 AM
EDT
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I hope you feel better soon.
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Evan
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July 12, 2004 - 11:39 PM
EDT
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I guess I am not even really sure. I caught it in the laundry room were Jen's work clothes were at. She has been in the field and she came down with it (it being either poison ivy or poison oak) on her arm. I was not so lucky. But my post has very little to do with poison ivy/oak anyway.
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Stephen
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July 12, 2004 - 3:14 PM
EDT
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Yeeouch! I'm confused as to the source of your plight. You got it from your yard so... is that poison oak/ivy?
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